I knew I was in trouble when I felt resistance to step into the classroom I once dearly loved. I had lived on the mission field for nearly 15 years at the time, and loved every bit of building the school from scratch. But the cross-cultural shock, loneliness and exhaustion had taken a toll on both my husband and me.
Paying attention to the resistance was the beginning of our healing journey.
Not much is said about burnout among missionaries in our Indian culture. Missionaries carry a weight. Either they are seen as super-humans, or looked down on as losers, or both by their families, friends and church communities. This puts pressure on the missionaries to overachieve and be in their best mode every time they visit folks back home. So a vacation, meant to replenish and rejuvenate, becomes a stressful experience.
The children of missionaries are the hidden ones who suffer equally, if not more. They neither belong to their parents’ hometown nor to the mission field in which they spend creating their growing up memories. They can ‘see’ the lack of acceptance in the eyes of their village as well as their city friends. Language and cultural barriers cause the sting of unbelonging go even deeper for the children.
Whose responsibility is it, then, to take care of the well-being of missionaries?
What can communities do to offer a gracious space of care and rest for missionaries and their families?
The primary responsibility of taking care of the mental, emotional and physical well-being of the missionaries is of the missionary themself. As missionaries, we take a lot on ourselves. There may be many compelling reasons – burden for the perishing, who else will do the work if not me, labourers are few and the need is huge – all valid and good reasons. Especially in our evangelical circles, we talk much about burning out for the Lord. Missionaries pay the price of such ideas with their health and well-being.
The Triune God loves us deeply. We are his beloved children. He cares for our whole being – body, mind and soul. The Lord’s invitation is to live from a place of deep rest and communion with the Father instead of burning oneself out. We are invited to live from such a place of rest. How can we do that when the task is obviously huge? I heard of the term Soul Care during my time of exhaustion, and it resonated with the deep need in my heart. If you feel the same resonance I felt, then I invite you to read more about it for a better understanding. As I explored what it meant to care for my soul, I found some helpful suggestions in different places. Here are a few:
1. Be confident that it is God’s desire for us to care for our souls. There is nothing to feel guilty about. He loves us more than the work we do. Our identity is in our belovedness and not in what we do. Our physical, mental and emotional well-being matters to him. With that in mind, create a rhythm of rest and work. Take time to be with Jesus in silence and solitude. It can be as little as 15 minutes or as long as a day or two even more. Take time out to be with yourself and the Lord.
2. Along with these regular short breaks, pray and plan for longer breaks of 15 days to one whole month (even more) in a year. It is necessary to remove your body from the place where you are serving to another location so that you can experience rest. Choose a place other than your hometown, where you may meet your friends or church friends. Play like a child with your children during this vacation without feeling guilty. Sit with your spouse and reminisce life stories. Take a lot of fun pictures. If you are single, find fun things you can do in the place you are visiting. Journal a lot.
3. Find at least one friend or two, preferably other than your church members, with whom you can share your heart regularly, say once a month.
4. Build friendships other than your own church community.
5. Practice journaling or engage in another life-giving activity like playing, drawing, walking or running.
6. Pray, plan and prepare for a yearlong sabbatical after 5 or 7 years of work on a mission field. Hold this sabbatical sacred and devote this time to being with the Lord and seeking his face rather than engaging in a new project. Be open hearted to God’s leading into new directions. Discern well with trusted friends.
Along with the missionaries themselves, the church community, families and friends of the missionaries are responsible for their care and well-being.
Why is the well-being of missionaries their responsibility? Don’t people already have a lot on their plates?
The community back home needs to accept that the missionaries’ calling is much more difficult and demanding than their regular jobs. Though the missionaries love what they are called for and love doing what they are doing, the everyday spiritual warfare they face is different from regular jobs. So the first step of caring for missionaries is not to trivalise their work by saying that every follower of Christ is a missionary in whichever field they are. It is true that every follower of Christ is a disciple and is called to fulfill their unique purpose in their generation, but a missionary goes above and beyond in leaving their comfort zone. It is completely different in more ways than can be explained. Another aspect of mission work is that missionaries and their families are on the field 24/7. They don’t go home after work. The mission field is their home. Therefore, a need for increased space and time outside the field for rejuvenation.
How then can the church community, families and friends of missionaries offer care and support?
One could consider creative options to offer loving care, but here are a few practical ideas the communities can begin with:
1. Nurture a gracious heart by developing rhythms of work and rest. What is true for missionaries is true for lay people as well. Soul care is not just for missionaries. When one begins to take steps to care for one’s soul and live deeply from a place of rest, one will have a generous heart to facilitate the same for missionaries as well as people around you.
2. Keep in touch with the missionaries. Schedule a call in your calendar and take time to talk to them. Loneliness on the mission field can be hard. Even though missionaries call the mission field their home, remember they never truly belong.
3. Visit the missionaries on their mission field. Go with a gracious heart. Go as a friend, not as an inspector. Don’t look at things that can be done better, but appreciate whatever is being done.
4. When visiting, listen well. Listen with a hospitable heart.
5. It is a privilege to partner or support any mission work. You are partaking in bringing God’s Kingdom on earth. So give generously as you are able to.
6. Sometimes the work the missionaries are called to do in a certain place gets over and it is time to hand over and discern new pathways. At such times re-entry to their hometown becomes extremely difficult emotionally, as well as many other ways for missionaries and their children. Church communities, friends and families can offer support and care in practical ways helping them resettle.
I mentioned earlier that self-awareness of my resistance led to the beginning of our healing journey. As missionaries, when we don’t pay heed to our body’s cry for help from tiredness and exhaustion, we are turning a deaf ear to a God-given way of knowing his will. Severe burnout can cause long-term harm to us and our families.
Royce, my husband, had left his job as a software programmer in 2003 and gone to live among a tribal community in Odisha. In 2005, I joined him after our marriage. The same year, a church in Mumbai began supporting the work financially. By 2021, a year after Covid, we were severely burnt out and upon wise counsel from an independent Member-care missionary counsellor, God led us into a year-long sabbatical. We thought this was a time of replenishing ourselves to return and serve longer. But the Triune God, who loves us and our children more than our work, was inviting us into a different pathway. Just as He had called and led us into the mission field, He was now leading us out when severe burnout hit and things became toxic and life-draining. In 2022, a few months into the sabbatical, God led us to hand over the school – the teachers, our students and the tribal community- we had lovingly served, into the hands of a capable team of local teachers who had journeyed with us over the years, and enter with Him into a season of recuperation and restoration.
The Lover of our souls was inviting us to partner with Him in the next phase of our life from a place of deep rest, wellness and wholeness.
Questions for reflection:
- What resonates with your heart as you read this blog?
- Where do you feel resistance when you read the blog?
- Do you sense any invitation from the Triune God as you read the blog? What might that be? Pay attention to the still, small voice.
- Spend some time talking to Jesus about what you are feeling within you.
Photo by Luke Miller: https://www.pexels.com/photo/worm-s-eye-view-of-tall-trees-in-the-forest-14794512/
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